Praying for Marriages (PfM)

This week we are taking a slight turn for the holidays.   Of course we want you to pray for marriages this coming week, but we would like you to pray particularly for the marriages of those people you will be with during Christmas and/or as 2014 draws to a close.   In many cases those will be the marriages of family and friends, marriages into which you have more intimate insight and for which you can pray with more specificity than normal.  On the other hand, you may have had or will yet still have occasion to spend time with new acquaintances about whose marriages you know little.  Regardless, all these marriages will benefit from your intercession.  So even in this busy season, take time to lift up these marriages to our Lord who is actively about the work of renewing all things. We hope you have a blessed Christmas and that you will experience the full goodness of God as you seek to live obediently before Him in 2015.

This week we are calling on you to give thanks throughout the week for marriages that have played or are still playing an important role in your life.  That special set of marriages will be unique for each of us, so we may not suggest some that are important to you.  Nevertheless, here are some to con-sider just for starters.  Give thanks for the marriage of your parents, the marriage that most often sets the example for our own marriages.  Give thanks for the marriages of your grandparents, those marriages that have remained strong and vibrant for decades.  Give thanks for the marriages of friends, for those who have walked along side you and encouraged you through good and bad times.  Give thanks for the marriages of your spiritual mentors, your pastors, Bible study teachers, youth leaders, all those who have exampled for you how to be a couple faithful to the call of Christ.  And don't forget to give thanks for your own marriage and...

Please take this week to pray for marriages you personally know to be struggling for one reason or another.   We all know marriages going through rough times, some because of pressures from outside the marriage, some because of issues internal to the marriage.   Regardless of the situation, these troubled marriages will benefit from your prayers.   And as you pray, consider that you may be the one or the couple that God uses to answer the very prayers you raise in behalf of these struggling marriages.

Please join us this week in praying for marriages that have settled.  First let me explain what I mean by “settled” for I admit “settled” can be both a positive and a negative term.  Positively it can mean “settled in” as a NASCAR driver “settled into” the fast groove of a race track.  Negatively it can mean “settled for” as a new college graduate “settled for” a lower-paying job until s/he gains experience. In this blog I am using the term in the negative sense.  We need to pray for marriages that have “settled for” less.  You are right in asking, “Settled for less of what?”  Well, less of a lot of things.  Some marriages have settled for less physically.  The spouses have gotten lazy or take each other for granted.  They have assumed their spouse desires them even though they make no effort to be desirable.  The old flame is a flicker.  These couples don’t need to renew their vows.  They need to renew the...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages dealing with the issue of jealousy. Jealousy can arise in a marriage in a number of ways.  The cause can be internal to the marriage, as when a spouse shows excessive or inappropriate attention to a person other than his/her spouse.  In fact, jealousy can arise if the same excessive attention is given to something other than a person, such as work or even a hobby.  Another cause of jealousy that arises internally in a marriage is low self-esteem or extreme possessiveness which causes one spouse to see every relationship the other spouse has as a threat or competition. Jealousy can also arise externally to the marriage when a third party shows inappropriate attention to one's marriage partner even though that partner may be above reproach or actively shuns the attention. Another form of jealousy that can attack a marriage is that which arises because of differences in life situations.  Jeal...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages dealing with sexual dysfunction.  Whether the sexual dysfunction is the immediate problem of the husband or the wife, it will ultimately be a problem for both. The causes of sexual dysfunction are numerous.  The genesis of the dysfunction can be physical, emotional or psychological.  It can be rooted in the past or its cause can be very current.  Regardless of the origin, the effects of sexual dysfunction on a marriage can be severe. The inability to “perform” or respond sexually can lead to feelings of inadequacy, failure, humiliation, unattractiveness and frustration.  In order to avoid a painful experience, couples may start to avoid intimacy altogether.  In turn, this avoidance can be devastating to the self-esteem of both husband and wife. It is not unusual for the cause of sexual dysfunction to be misidentified and for blame to be assumed by a spouse or assigned to a spouse...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages being negatively affected by a disruptive friend.  Just like spouses bring their families into their marriages, they also bring their friends.  This reality is normal and healthy.  Marriage should not signal the end of pre-existing friendships.  Nevertheless, there are instances when a friend, either of the husband, wife or both, does not honor the marriage relationship and becomes an instrument of division instead of a mainstay of support. The nature of a friend’s disruptive behavior can vary widely.  A couple may be faced with a friend who does not respect their time and privacy. A couple may also need to deal with a friend who does not understand that marriage generally affects how his or her married friend must manage money.  Martial stress can arise if one spouse makes unwise spending decisions in order to meet a friend’s expectations. Married couples can also be faced...

Join us in praying this week for couples going through marital separation.  Although separation from a spouse can be necessary because of abusive and/or addictive behavior, marital separation is not a cure-all; in fact, it can lead to issues that make reconciliation even more difficult. When separation is viewed as just a way to avoid the stresses of marital disharmony, it can lead to a false peace that provides no positive movement toward the resolution of marital problems.  The longer that “hiatus” continues the harder it is for couples to reenter the difficult process of healing a broken marriage. Separation can deepen feelings of failure and hopelessness and chip away at a couple’s commitment to their relationship as they experience the very real physical withdrawal from one another.  This physical withdrawal, when coupled with the emotional distance almost always present in broken marriages, can make marital infidelity more of a temptation. ...

Please join with us this week in praying for marriages in which law enforcement is the career of one or both partners. Marriages in this life situation can face a number of difficult problems.  The spouse in law enforcement may deal frequently with the darkest side of life and, consequently, can become quite jaded, finding it difficult to count on or fully believe in anyone.  This attitude can easily transfer to the marriage relationship, making intimacy and trust a struggle. Communication can also be difficult in these marriages.    The nature of the job can make it difficult for the couple to share in conversation about a day’s work, particularly if one spouse presses for too many details and if the other spouse withholds information thought to be too sordid or unsettling for casual conversation. The spouse not in law enforcement often experiences the stress of knowing the other may face a life-threatening situation at any time.  This ...

We are asking this week that you pray for marriages dealing with the issue of pornography. Most frequently husbands have a more difficult time with pornography addiction than wives.  They often see it as a personal issue that does not affect their marriage partner.  But this attitude is far from the truth. Pornography easily creates unrealistic expectations no wife can meet.  The husband will come to the marriage bed looking to re-experience something he has seen, giving little thought to the needs and desires of his spouse.  Sex can become a cold, performance-driven encounter instead of the warm, intimate relational union it should be.  One too-frequent result of this impersonal sex is infidelity. If the wife becomes aware of her husband’s addiction, it can create in her a feeling of inferiority and of being just another of his sexual playthings.  She can feel she is no longer the one, unique and special person in his life and ...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages that must deal with chronic pain. Couples in these marriages can struggle sometimes because of an identification problem.  They identify the suffering spouse as the problem instead the suffering spouse’s pain .  This misidentification can lead to false blame:  the healthy spouse can blame the suffering spouse for their problems, but maybe more often the suffering spouse can blame himself or herself.  In either case, this false blame can be destructive to the intimate marriage relationship the spouses should enjoy. Financial pressures can often assail these marriages as couples seek any and all possible solutions to the debilitating situation.  It is not unusual for treatment programs or medications to work for a time but need adjustment as time passes. These adjustments cost money.  It is also not unusual for couples dealing with chronic pain to be lured into expensive treatments th...

Please join us this week in praying for couples dealing with significant issues with in-laws.   The potential issues are varied and numerous.  Parents can fail to release their married child emotionally and demand time and allegiance that rightly belongs to the spouse.  Sometimes in-laws step into situations too soon, not allowing their children to work out issues in their own way.  This can cause the couple to feel inadequate or resentful. On the other hand a couple can damage their relationship with their in-laws by demanding unquestioned independent, except when they need a free babysitter or a little extra cash.  In the effort to shape their own marriage, they can also thoughtlessly disregard or run roughshod over the traditions and beliefs of their parents, creating tension, frustration and deep disappointment. This week pray that married couples and their in-laws will Respect the marriage relationship Refrain from providing un...

Please pray this week for married couples with a special-needs child.  These couples are often strained by a lack of physical and mental rest. Many times finances are stretched as couples seek to finance services and therapies for their child. They can often face hurtful acts of discrimination and exclusion. These couples can also become anxious and even depressed as they look into the future of their child who may never reach a level of independent living, wondering who will provide for their child’s care once they are unable to.  Those couples whose first child is a special-needs child may agonize over the decision to have other children. Pray that God would grant these couples an extra measure of rest and strength great patience in the face of trying circumstances the resources they need to provide for their child oneness in their decision making peace that protects them from an unknown future ready support from the community of faith 

This week please remember in prayer those married couples who are living through the loss of a job.  In addition to the financial pressures a job loss can bring to a marriage, it can also cause the one who has lost the job to question his or her self-worth.  If a new job does not materialize quickly, hope can be lost and, when hope is lost, inertia can set in and eventually lead to deep depression. If both spouses have been working, the spouse who is still employed will often attempt to make up some of the income loss by working more hours.  This response, though helpful in closing the income gap, can inadvertently create a feeling of guilt in the life of the spouse who has lost the job, while at the same time exhaust the spouse who is taking on the extra work, particularly if the situation continues for an extended time. Inertia, depression, guilt and exhaustion are all negative effects of job loss that can cause marriages to spiral out of contro...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in which couples have offset work schedules.  In a very large number of marriages today, both spouses work.  This situation has its own challenges, but, when the spouses’ work schedules off-set, that is, one works days and the other works evenings or midnights, the challenges become even greater or at least different. When spouses have offset work schedules, just carving out time to see each other can be difficult.  Sleep schedules can create conflict, and intimacy can be curtailed because both spouses are not rested at the same time. The social life of the couple can be affected.  Events both would enjoy attending are often scheduled at times which will keep one or the other away.  When the events are for couples, even the spouse who could attend will often opt out because he/she doesn’t want to feel like a fifth wheel.  The snowballing of this situation can cause the couple to beco...

Join us this week in praying for marriages in which communication has broken down.  By all accounts the lack of effective communication is a frequent and devastating dysfunction in marriages. The break down in communication can occur for a wide range of reasons.  Communication can grind to a halt if one’s words or body language suggests disinterest in or contempt for a spouse’s input.  Sometimes the desire to communicate can dry up if a spouse feels the other’s words are never followed up with action, in other words, if lightly made promises are never kept.  Nagging can also cause communication cease. When effective communication stops, all sorts of misunderstandings and false assumptions are likely to spring up.  The resulting cascade of trouble and stress will then be difficult to reverse since the very tool needed to effect this change, good communication, is already impaired. Pray with us this week that couples having communicati...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in deep financial debt.  Debt is a life-situation pervasive in our American culture.  When this debt is excessive, it can lead to numerous problems for a married couple. First, deep debt can lead to a blame game in which spouses expend their energy assigning blame for their situation instead of working on a solution.  Second, excessive debt can create crippling stress as the couple tries to maintain life and limb while fending off creditors.  Third, debt can lead to hopelessness, since escaping debt is most often a long road many couples see as beyond their ability to travel.  And finally, even when a couple commits to escaping debt, they face the difficulties of changing long established habits, of giving up things precious to them, and of learning to say “no,” or at least “not now,” sometimes even to good and worthwhile things. Please pray that couples in this situation will Be gran...