Week 107: Marriages and the Death of a Child

Please join us this week in praying for marriages that are dealing with the death of a child.  Maybe nothing feels as abnormal and as out of the natural order as a child preceding parents in death.  No parent expects it and no premarital counseling equips couples to deal with this emotionally charged occurrence.

Though a child’s premature death can occur suddenly and without warning or after a prolonged illness, the end result is still a precious gift is gone.  The effects of this loss can be devastating on even the strongest marriages.

Married couples that experience such a loss may experience no deeper grief.  Often this grief is accompanied by guilt, even when there are absolutely no grounds for it.  Groundless guilt is exceedingly hard on individuals since there is no wrong to work toward correcting and no blame for which to seek forgiveness.  It is a guilt without relief, and unrelieved guilt can destroy relationships.

One of the most difficult challenges of this experience is maintaining a strong marriage when each spouse is processing grief in a different way and at a different rate.  One may be able to re-enter the normal pace of life in a short time, while the other is still barely able to get out of bed.  This imbalance can cause great tension, even causing the spouse experiencing prolonged grief to doubt that the other really loved their lost child.  This thought can drive a divisive wedge between the married couple.

Another difficulty of this life experience is the tendency of deeply grieving parents to cut themselves off emotionally from those who could supply needed support.  It is easy for them to think no one else can understand what they are going through.  It can also be hard for the grieving parents to be around other couples with healthy, happy children.

Finally, a spiritual struggle can rage even in the strongest Christian marriages as the grieving parents question why this tragedy visited their them.  This questioning can upset the very underpinning of a grieving parent’s faith.  It can also lead easily to blaming self, blaming the other spouse or even blaming God.

Please pray this week that couples who are dealing with the death of a child will

• Seek the counsel of those who can help them understand the grief they are experiencing
• Be honest, open and transparent with God, not attempting to muffle their anguish for fear that He will be displeased with them
• Be gifted by their Creator with a compassion for their spouse abundantly sufficient for the situation
• Be open to the compassion and care of their family and friends
• Arise to a new normal that allows them to re-enter life with vitality, unshackled by fear of the inevitable unknowns of life
• Be able to focus on the precious time they had with their child instead of the loss of the time they will never have
• Rest in the knowledge that their God is all wise and all loving