Week 188: Marriages and the Death of a Child
Though
a child’s death can occur suddenly and without warning or after a prolonged
illness, the end result is still a precious gift is gone. The effects of this
loss can be devastating, even the strongest marriages.
Married
couples experiencing such a loss may never deal with a more difficult grief since this grief is often accompanied
by guilt, even when there are absolutely no grounds for it. Groundless
guilt is exceedingly hard on individuals since there is no wrong to correct and
no blame for which to seek forgiveness. It is a guilt without relief, and
unrelieved guilt can be extraordinarily hard on relationships.
One
of the most difficult challenges of this experience is maintaining a strong
marriage when each spouse is processing grief in a different way and at a
different rate. One may be able to re-enter the normal pace of life in a
short time, while the other is still barely able to get out of bed. This
imbalance can cause great tension, even causing the spouse experiencing
prolonged grief to doubt that the other really loved their lost child.
This thought can drive a divisive wedge between the married couple.
Another
difficulty of this life experience is the tendency of deeply grieving parents
to cut themselves off emotionally from those who could supply needed
support. It is easy for them to think no one else can understand what
they are going through. It can also be hard for the grieving parents to
be around other couples with healthy, happy children.
Finally,
a spiritual struggle can rage even in the strongest Christian marriages as the
grieving parents question why this tragedy visited them. This questioning
can upset the very underpinning of a grieving parent’s faith. It can also
lead easily to blaming self, blaming the other spouse or even blaming God.
Please
pray this week that couples who are dealing with the death of a child will
- Seek the counsel of those who can help them understand the grief they are experiencing
- Be honest, open and transparent with God, not attempting to muffle their anguish for fear that He will be displeased with them
- Be gifted by their Creator with a compassion for their spouse abundantly sufficient for the situation
- Be open to the compassion and care of their family and friends
- Arise to a new normal that allows them to re-enter life with vitality, unshackled by fear of the inevitable unknowns of life
- Be able to focus on the precious time they had with their child instead of the loss of the time they will never have
- Rest in the knowledge that their God is all wise and all loving
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