Week 224: Marriages and the Death of a Child
Please
join us this week in praying for marriages that are dealing with the death of a
child. Maybe nothing feels as abnormal and as out of the natural order as
a child preceding parents in death. No parent expects it and no
premarital counseling equips couples to deal with this emotionally-charged
occurrence.
Though
a child’s death can occur suddenly and without warning or after a prolonged
illness, the end result is still a precious gift is gone. The effects of
this loss can be devastating, even to the strongest marriages.
Married
couples experiencing such a loss may never deal with a more difficult grief
since this grief is often accompanied by guilt, even when there are absolutely
no grounds for it. Groundless guilt is exceedingly hard on individuals
since there is no wrong to correct and no blame for which to seek
forgiveness. It is a guilt without relief, and unrelieved guilt can be
extraordinarily hard on relationships.
One
of the most difficult challenges of this experience is maintaining a strong
marriage when each spouse is processing grief in a different way and at a
different rate. One spouse may be able to re-enter the normal pace of
life in a short time, while the other is still barely able to get out of
bed. This imbalance can cause great tension, even causing the spouse
experiencing prolonged grief to doubt the other really loved their lost
child. This thought can drive a divisive wedge between the married
couple.
Another
difficulty of this life experience is the tendency of deeply grieving parents
to cut themselves off emotionally from those who could supply needed
support. It is easy for them to think no one else can understand what
they are going through. It can also be hard for the grieving parents to
be around other couples with healthy, happy children.
Finally,
a spiritual struggle can rage even in the strongest Christian marriages as the
grieving parents question why this tragedy visited them. This questioning
can upset the very underpinning of a grieving parent’s faith. It can also
lead easily to blaming self, blaming the other spouse or even blaming God.
Please
pray this week that couples who are dealing with the death of a child will
- Seek the counsel of those who can help them understand the grief they are experiencing
- Be honest, open and transparent with God, not attempting to muffle their anguish for fear He will be displeased with them
- Be gifted by their Creator with a compassion for their spouse abundantly sufficient for the situation
- Be open to the compassion and care of their family and friends
- Arise to a new normal that allows them to re-enter life with vitality, unshackled by fear of the inevitable unknowns of life
- Be able to focus on the precious time they had with their child instead of the loss of the time they will never have
- Rest in the knowledge that their God is all wise and all loving
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