Praying for Marriages (PfM)

Please join us this week in praying for marriages dealing with the issue of jealousy. Jealousy can arise in a marriage in a number of ways. The cause can be internal to the marriage, as when a spouse shows excessive or inappropriate attention to a person other than his/her spouse. In fact, jealousy can arise if the same excessive attention is given to something other than a person, such as work or even a hobby. Another cause of jealousy is low self-esteem or extreme possessiveness which causes one spouse to see every relationship the other spouse has as a threat or competition. Jealousy can also arise externally to the marriage when a third party shows inappropriate attention to one's marriage partner even though that partner may be above reproach or even actively shuns the attention. Another form of jealousy that can attack a marriage is that which arises because of differences in life situations. Jealousy can crop up if one spouse has good relationshi...

This week we are calling on you to give thanks throughout the week for marriages that have played or are still playing an important role in your life. That special set of marriages will be unique for each of us, so we may not suggest some that are important to you; nevertheless, here are some to consider just for starters. Give thanks for the marriage of your parents, the marriage that most often sets the example for our own marriages. Give thanks for the marriages of your grandparents, those marriages that have remained strong and vibrant for decades. Give thanks for the marriages of friends, for those who have walked along side you and encouraged you through good and bad times. Give thanks for the marriages of your spiritual mentors, your pastors, Bible study teachers, youth leaders, all those who have exampled for you how to be a couple faithful to the call of Christ. And don't forget to give thanks for your own marriage and for the one who shares this unique and most wonderful...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in which the spouses are dealing with the recent death of one of their parents. Although the death of a parent fits within the “normal” pattern of a person’s life experience, it is still an event that can create stresses in a marriage. These stresses can be accentuated if the death is sudden or untimely. The child of the deceased, though a married adult, may still experience profound loss and even feel cheated that the parent did not live to fulfill long-anticipated roles (for example, being a grandparent to his/her children). As with any grief experienced by a married couple, strife can arise if the individuals express or react to grief differently or have different expectations concerning the impact of a parent’s death. Consequently, these times of loss can cause marital conflict if a spouse does not demonstrate in words and actions the compassion and support the grieving spouse may need or expect. ...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in which one spouse is passing through an unexplainable dark time that is emotionally and physically debilitating. A large part of the difficulty of this situation is its mysterious genesis. The fact that the cause is unknown to either spouse can cause both to feel helpless:  the afflicted spouse can feel helpless to explain the problem and the care-giving spouse can feel helpless to provide what is needed to relieve the suffering. Many times the suffering spouse can experience a palpable darkness that separates him/her from God, spouse and friends. The suffering spouse can also become convinced the darkness will never lift, leading to dejection and a sense of hopelessness. As this situation lingers, the care-giving spouse can begin to suffer as well, since his/her partner is in no position to meet his/her needs or share in bearing the responsibilities of daily living. Finally, this life-situation, like many mal...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in which the redeeming sacrifice of Jesus is unknown. The spouses in these marriages have joined in a relationship that demands oneness yet they lack the indwelling Spirit who makes that oneness possible. They have joined in a relationship that demands the presence of every fruit of the Spirit yet they lack the Spirit who provides that very fruit. They have joined in a relationship that demands the purest expressions of love yet they lack the personal knowledge of the Christ who, through His sacrifice, has given the highest example of that love. These couples have also joined in a relationship subject to great challenges, difficult struggles and endless attacks of the evil one, yet one that lacks the boundless resources of our God, resources given to equip believing couples to overcome these challenges and struggles and to resist Satan. This week pray that these couples without Christ will Real...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages dealing with sexual dysfunction. Whether the sexual dysfunction is the immediate problem of the husband or of the wife, it will ultimately be a problem for both.   The causes of sexual dysfunction are numerous. The genesis of the dysfunction can be physical, emotional or psychological. It can be rooted in the past or its cause can be very current. Regardless of the origin, the effects of sexual dysfunction on a marriage can be severe. The inability to “perform” or respond sexually can lead to feelings of inadequacy, failure, humiliation, unattractiveness and frustration. In order to avoid a painful experience, couples may start to avoid intimacy altogether. In turn, this avoidance can be devastating to the self-esteem of both husband and wife. It is not unusual for the cause of sexual dysfunction to be misidentified and for blame to be assumed by a spouse or assigned to a spouse mistakenly. Finally, sexual d...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages being negatively affected by a disruptive friend. Just like spouses bring their families into their marriages, they also bring their friends. This reality is normal and healthy. Marriage should not signal the end of pre-existing friendships; nevertheless, there are instances when a friend, either of the husband, the wife or both, does not honor the marriage relationship and becomes an instrument of division instead of a mainstay of support. The nature of a friend’s disruptive behavior can vary widely. A couple may be faced with a friend who does not respect their time and privacy. A couple may also need to deal with a friend who does not understand marriage generally affects how his or her married friend must manage money. Martial stress can arise if one spouse makes unwise spending decisions in order to meet a friend’s expectations (golf every week, trips, shopping sprees). Married couples ca...

Join us in praying this week for couples going through marital separation.  Although separation from a spouse can be necessary because of abusive and/or addictive behavior, marital separation is not a cure-all; in fact, it can lead to issues that make reconciliation even more difficult than living under the same roof. When separation is viewed as just a way to avoid the stresses of marital disharmony, it can lead to a false peace that provides no positive movement toward the resolution of marital problems. The longer that “hiatus” continues the harder it is for couples to re-enter the difficult process of healing a broken marriage. Separation can deepen feelings of failure and hopelessness and chip away at a couple’s commitment to their relationship as they experience the very real physical withdrawal from one another. This physical withdrawal, when coupled with the emotional distance almost always present in broken marriages, can make marital infidelity m...

Join us this week in praying for marriages in which communication has broken down. By all accounts the lack of effective communication is a frequent and devastating dysfunction in marriages. The break-down in communication can occur for a wide range of reasons. Communication can grind to a halt if one’s words or body language suggests disinterest in or contempt for a spouse’s input. Sometimes the desire to communicate can dry up if a spouse feels the other’s words are never followed by corresponding action, in other words, if lightly made promises are never kept. Nagging can also cause communication to cease. When effective communication stops, all sorts of misunderstandings and false assumptions are likely to spring up. The resulting cascade of trouble and stress will then be difficult to reverse since the very tool needed to effect this change, good communication, is already impaired. Pray with us this week that couples having communication ...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in deep financial debt. Debt is a life-situation pervasive in our American culture. When this debt is excessive, it can lead to numerous problems for a married couple. First, deep debt can lead to a blame game in which spouses expend their energy assigning blame for their situation instead of working on a solution. Second, excessive debt can create crippling stress as the couple tries to maintain life and limb while fending off creditors. Third, debt can lead to hopelessness, since escaping debt is most often a long road many couples see as beyond their ability to travel. And finally, even when a couple commits to escaping debt, they face the difficulties of changing long established habits, of giving up things precious to them and of learning to say “no,” or at least “not now,” even to good and worthwhile endeavors. Please pray couples in this situation will Be granted grace and pers...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in which couples have conflicting work schedules. In a very large number of marriages today, both spouses work. This situation has its own challenges, but, when the spouses’ work schedules conflict, that is, one works days and the other works evenings or midnights, the challenges become even greater or at least different. When spouses have conflicting work schedules, just carving out time to see each other can be difficult. Sleep schedules can create conflict, and intimacy can be curtailed because both spouses are not rested at the same time. The social life of the couple can be affected. Events both would enjoy attending are often scheduled at times which will keep one or the other away. When the events are for couples, even the spouse who could attend will often opt out because he/she doesn’t want to feel like a fifth wheel. The snowballing of this situation can cause the couple to become isolated from others who could ...

Please join us this week in praying for newly married couples. Though the issues faced by newly married couples are common and often joked about, they can be troublesome and cause a marriage to get off to a rocky start. Every new marriage is a blending of two different people, and their differences require adjustments, understanding, open communication and forgiveness. The adjustments of living everyday with another human being can be a strain.  These adjustments are tough for young persons who haven’t yet established routines as independent adults; they can be even more troublesome for individuals who have been independent adults for a number of years prior to the marriage and have habits and life-styles with which they have become comfortable. In either case, adjustments both large and small are a challenge for newly weds. Another issue for young marriages is the personal baggage the newly weds bring with them. Often not all this baggage get...

Please join us this week in praying for couples going through the hospitalization of a spouse. This life situation can create numerous stresses on a marriage. Just dealing with the anxiety of the medical situation itself is trying on a marriage, but there are other stressors as well. When one spouse is in the hospital, daily tasks do not decrease by half; in fact, they increase for the other spouse, and, if children are involved, they increase a lot. Time gets compressed as one spouse tries to be at the hospital to support and comfort the other while still meeting the demands of work, home and family. When one spouse is hospitalized, it is not unusual at all for both spouses to become sleep-deprived. Hospitalization does not equate to quality rest for the patient or for the spouse who is splitting time between a lonely bed at home and a not-so-comfortable chair in a hospital room. The longer the hospital stay, the more weariness is likely to inc...

Join us this week in praying for marriages experiencing the “empty nest.”  Couples who have children know their children will one day “leave the nest” and establish independent lives of their own.  Even so, and even for those who have given it some serious thought, the departure can take couples by surprise and create a void they do not know how to fill. This situation can be particular difficult if a couple has not maintained a balance between their role as parents and their role as husband and wife.  All of a sudden it is just the two of them and they do not know what to do with each other.  Oddly enough, an awkward period of re-acquaintance may be necessary as spouses re-orient their time and attention toward one another. Some couples can experience a real sense of loss when the last child leaves the house, particularly if the empty nest comes quickly or unexpectedly or if the separation from children involves great distance or unusuall...

Please join us this week as we pray for couples that are the primary caregivers for an aging parent. This life-situation can turn life on its head as roles are reversed and the children become the parents and the parent the child. At best this situation can be awkward; at worst is can lead to serious conflicts. A parent, who has had a lifetime of making decisions, now has children making decisions for him/her. These can be small decisions (“Dad you should not climb that ladder”) or life-altering decisions (“Mom, you can’t drive anymore"). Caring for an aging parent can limit the freedom of the care-giving couple. It can mean delaying travel plans, changing long-established schedules and learning the old “spur-of-the-moment” event now requires planning. Also, the decisions that come with caring for an aging parent can put the couple at odds with siblings who may have different ideas about what is best for the their parent. Adult-sibling disagreement...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages that have grown emotionally cold. Emotional coldness in a marriage can be as destructive as rage and is more insidious. Rage is like a fire that ignites and is immediately recognized as damaging. Emotional coldness, or emotional distance, as some would call it, is like freezing weather, uncomfortable for sure, but too often not identified as damaging until frozen pipes start to break. The growth of emotional coldness in a marriage can have its origin in any number of situations. Excessive attention to children to the determent of that to a spouse can cause a marriage relationship to cool. The same can be said of excessive attention to work, to a hobby or, yes, even to a ministry. Discounting the need to give and ask for forgiveness to a spouse can also be the seed-bed of emotional coldness. Being unaware of how a spouse expresses his/her emotions can cause one to miss cues that would normally elicit an appropriate res...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages dealing with the tragedy of breast cancer. Although cancer of any kind can create stressful situations for marriages, breast cancer does so uniquely. It strikes the wife at the heart of her self-image and worth. Many sufferers experience an emotional roller coaster that can cause their spouse to receive conflicting signals. One moment a wife may long to be held and touched yet at another moment, or maybe even at the same moment, withdraw from physical contact. The husband, on the other hand, who does not understand this dynamic, can become confused when his touch is rebuffed or his reserve is interpreted as uncaring. As with other cancers, the physical battle of fighting breast cancer is draining and demanding, on the patient particularly but also on the spouse. Almost without fail, the physical stresses of enduring radical treatments and of caring for the patient create emotional stresses and these...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages that have suffered the excruciating pain of the death of a newborn baby. In past weeks we have called on you to pray for those who have had a child to die as well as for those who have suffered the painful disappointment of a miscarriage. Many of the issues experienced by couples that have faced those tragedies are also common to those who have lost a newborn. The circumstances of this particular tragedy can be quite varied. In some cases the death has been long expected and to some degree prepared for because of prenatal testing. In other cases the death is totally unexpected and comes quickly after birth. And yet, in still other situations, the newborn’s death, though almost a medical certainty, is delayed for days or even months. One of the hardest things about infant death is the sudden and absolute reversal of emotions. Joyful expectation is usurped by gut-wrenching sadness. The ...

Please join us this week in praying for couples that have been disowned by their children. The nature and causes of fractured family relationships are varied, complex and rarely one-sided. The division can be the choice of the parents or the child/children. Regardless, the division is always painful to someone, if not to everyone. One variety of fractured family relationships is when children disown their parents. The impetus for this separation can be rooted in bad parenting choices or in the equally bad choices of adult children. In either case, the painful effects the division has on the disowned couple can be a challenge to the very existence of their own husband/wife relationship. If the estrangement from their children is the result of bad parenting choices, particularly if those choices were those of one parent (for example, an absentee father or an overly protective/smothering mother), the other spouse may harbor resentment and blame....

Please join us this week in praying for married couples parenting their grandchildren. In preparing for this blog I came across an article issued by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. This article, which is reproduced in full below, states the challenges of this life situation exceptionally well. The article, though originally posted in March 2011, still provides insightful information. "Grandparents are an important resource for both parents and children. They routinely provide child care, financial assistance and emotional support.  Occasionally they are called upon to provide much more including temporary or full time care and responsibility for their grandchildren. An increasing number of children in the United States live in households headed by a grandparent.  This trend is due to: increasing numbers of single parent families the high rate of divorce teenage pregnancies incarcerations of parents substance abuse ...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in which couples are involved in foster care.  Couples who choose to be foster parents are choosing an honorable endeavor, but, like any worthwhile endeavor, foster parenting can bring significant challenges to a marriage. One of those challenges is the demand on time.  Most foster parenting situations require meetings with counselors, agencies, teachers, birth-parents etc.  These requirements take time and necessarily cut into the time a couple may be accustomed to spending with each other.  Making the most of this decreased couple-time is a challenge requiring creativity and commitment. Another challenge is the emotional investment required to parent a child who likely will be experiencing some level of dysfunction because of his/her previous home situation.  Dealing with the child’s biological parents, who likely will not be satisfied with their child being removed from their care, may also ...