Praying for Marriages (PfM)

Marriages and Military Deployment   Please join us this week in praying for marriages dealing with the military deployment of a spouse. Although there are many elements of military life that can affect a marriage, probably none affects the couple more than the separation of deployment. Just preparing for the deployment of a spouse can be stressful for the marriage. During this preparation period it is not unusual for the couple to become emotionally and physically detached. This detachment may be an unconscious defense against the sadness of the coming separation. The anticipation of the deployment can also be accompanied by fear, fear of the unknown, fear of never seeing the departing spouse again and even the fear of facing daily life alone. Once the deployment occurs, emotions can fluctuate wildly: relief that the good-bye is over; resentment of being abandoned; guilt for abandoning; excitement about accomplishing a mission; or deep and debilitating loneliness. When the deploy...

Well, I have learned a little about Blogger page building, enough to be mostly satisfied with the design. I hopw to start posting again Monday. Thank you for following and mostly for praying for the marriages of the world.

There will be a short, I hope, hiatus in my Praying for Marriages blogs. Blogger has changed quite a bit, and thus I have lost the auto-formatting I have used for years. As soon I figure out how to use this new version of Blogger, I will continue the Praying for Marriages blogs. Thank you for praying for marriages. Just because my blog is taking a break, it does not mean you must take a break. Marriages in all situations need your intercession for them.

Please join us this week in praying for marriages dealing with the workaholic tendencies of a spouse. A workaholic is often defined as one who works compulsively. When a workaholic is in a marriage, his/her compulsive tendencies can create serious difficulties. Examples of issues brought about by a workaholic spouse are a low degree of spousal interaction, limited emotional connection, an absence of sexual intimacy and insufficient opportunities to enjoy common interests, all of which can lead to loneliness and isolation. It is no wonder the spouse of a workaholic can become convinced he/she is not cherished or valued by the work-driven spouse. All needs, interests and dreams take second place to the workaholic’s job. When children are involved, stresses increase even more as the workaholic habitually misses significant events and family functions, leaving the spouse to be the children’s sole support and forcing the spouse to explain away the workaholic’...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in which the spouses are dealing with the recent death of one of their parents. Although the death of a parent fits within the “normal” pattern of a person’s life experience, it is still an event that can create stresses in a marriage. These stresses can be accentuated if the death is sudden or untimely. The child of the deceased, though a married adult, may still experience profound loss and even feel cheated that the parent did not live to fulfill long-anticipated roles (for example, being a grandparent to his/her children). As with any grief experienced by a married couple, strife can arise if the individuals express or react to grief differently or have different expectations concerning the impact of a parent’s death. Consequently, these times of loss can cause marital conflict if a spouse does not demonstrate in words and actions the compassion and support the grieving spouse may need or expect. ...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in which one spouse is passing through an unexplainable dark time that is emotionally and physically debilitating. A large part of the difficulty of this situation is its mysterious genesis. The fact that the origin is unknown to either spouse can cause both to feel helpless:  the afflicted spouse can feel helpless to explain the problem and the care-giving spouse can feel helpless to provide what is needed to relieve the suffering. Many times the suffering spouse can experience a palpable darkness that separates him/her from God, spouse and friends. The suffering spouse can also become convinced the darkness will never lift, leading to dejection and a sense of hopelessness. As this situation lingers, the care-giving spouse can begin to suffer as well, since his/her partner is in no position to meet his/her needs or share in bearing the responsibilities of daily living. Finally, this life-situation, like many m...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in which the redeeming sacrifice of Jesus is unknown. The spouses in these marriages have joined in a relationship that demands oneness yet they lack the indwelling Spirit who makes that oneness possible. They have joined in a relationship that demands the presence of every fruit of the Spirit yet they lack the Spirit who provides that very fruit. They have joined in a relationship that demands the purest expressions of love yet they lack the personal knowledge of the Christ who, through His sacrifice, has given the highest example of that love. These couples have also joined in a relationship subject to great challenges, difficult struggles and endless attacks of the evil one, yet one that lacks the boundless resources of our God, resources given to equip believing couples to overcome these challenges and struggles and to resist Satan. This week pray that these couples without Christ will ...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages dealing with sexual dysfunction. Whether the sexual dysfunction is the immediate problem of the husband or of the wife, it will ultimately be a problem for both. The causes of sexual dysfunction are numerous. The genesis of the dysfunction can be physical, emotional or psychological. It can be rooted in the past or its cause can be very current. Regardless of the origin, the effects of sexual dysfunction on a marriage can be severe. The inability to “perform” or respond sexually can lead to feelings of inadequacy, failure, humiliation, unattractiveness and frustration. In order to avoid a painful experience, couples may start to avoid intimacy altogether. In turn, this avoidance can be devastating to the self-esteem of both husband and wife. It is not unusual for the cause of sexual dysfunction to be misidentified and for blame to be assumed by a spouse or assigned to a spouse mistakenly. Finally, sexual dysfunction ...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages being negatively affected by a disruptive friend. Just like spouses bring their families into their marriages, they also bring their friends. This reality is normal and healthy. Marriage should not signal the end of pre-existing friendships; nevertheless, there are instances when a friend, either of the husband, the wife or both, does not honor the marriage relationship and becomes an instrument of division instead of a mainstay of support. The nature of a friend’s disruptive behavior can vary widely. A couple may be faced with a friend who does not respect their time and privacy. A couple may also need to deal with a friend who does not understand that marriage generally affects how his or her married friend must manage money. Martial stress can arise if one spouse makes unwise spending decisions in order to meet a friend’s expectations (golf every week, trips, shopping sprees). Married c...

Join us in praying this week for couples going through marital separation. Although separation from a spouse can be necessary because of abusive and/or addictive behavior, marital separation is not a cure-all; in fact, it can lead to issues that make reconciliation even more difficult than living under the same roof. When separation is viewed as just a way to avoid the stresses of marital disharmony, it can lead to a false peace that provides no positive movement toward the resolution of marital problems. The longer that “hiatus” continues the harder it is for couples to re-enter the difficult process of healing a broken marriage.   Separation can deepen feelings of failure and hopelessness and chip away at a couple’s commitment to their relationship as they experience the very real physical withdrawal from one another. This physical withdrawal, when coupled with the emotional distance almost always present in broken marriages, can make marital infid...

Join us this week in praying for marriages in which communication has broken down. By all accounts the lack of effective communication is a frequent and devastating dysfunction in marriages. The break-down in communication can occur for a wide range of reasons. Communication can grind to a halt if one’s words or body language suggests disinterest in or contempt for a spouse’s input. Sometimes the desire to communicate can dry up if a spouse feels the other’s words are never followed by corresponding action, in other words, if lightly made promises are never kept. Nagging can also cause communication to cease. When effective communication stops, all sorts of misunderstandings and false assumptions are likely to spring up. The resulting cascade of trouble and stress will then be difficult to reverse since the very tool needed to effect this change, good communication, is already impaired. Pray with us this week that couples having comm...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages in deep financial debt. Debt is a life-situation pervasive in our American culture. When this debt is excessive, it can lead to numerous problems for a married couple. First, deep debt can lead to a blame game in which spouses expend their energy assigning blame for their situation instead of working on a solution. Second, excessive debt can create crippling stress as the couple tries to maintain life and limb while fending off creditors. Third, debt can lead to hopelessness, since escaping debt is most often a long road many couples see as beyond their ability to travel. And finally, even when a couple commits to escaping debt, they face the difficulties of changing long established habits, of giving up things precious to them and of learning to say “no,” or at least “not now,” even to good and worthwhile endeavors. Please pray couples in this situation will Be granted grace and ...

Please join us this week in praying for newly married couples. Though the issues faced by newly married couples are common and often joked about, they can be troublesome and cause a marriage to get off to a rocky start. Every new marriage is a blending of two different people, and their differences require adjustments, understanding, open communication and forgiveness. The adjustments of living everyday with another human being can be a strain.  These adjustments are tough for young persons who haven’t yet established routines as independent adults; they can be even more troublesome for individuals who have been independent adults for a number of years prior to the marriage and have habits and life-styles with which they have become comfortable. In either case, adjustments both large and small are a challenge for newly weds. Another issue for young marriages is the personal baggage the newly weds bring with them. Often not all this baggage...

Please join us this week in praying for couples going through the hospitalization of a spouse. This life situation can create numerous stresses on a marriage. Just dealing with the anxiety of the medical situation itself is trying on a marriage, but there are other stressors as well. When one spouse is in the hospital, daily tasks do not decrease by half; in fact, they increase for the other spouse, and, if children are involved, they increase a lot. Time gets compressed as one spouse tries to be at the hospital to support and comfort the other while still meeting the demands of work, home and family. When one spouse is hospitalized, it is not unusual at all for both spouses to become sleep-deprived. Hospitalization does not equate to quality rest for the patient or for the spouse who is splitting time between a lonely bed at home and a not-so-comfortable chair in a hospital room. The longer the hospital stay, the more weariness is likely to i...

Join us this week in praying for marriages experiencing the “empty nest.” Couples who have children know their children will one day “leave the nest” and establish independent lives of their own. Even so, and even for those who have given it some serious thought, the departure can take couples by surprise and create a void they do not know how to fill. This situation can be particular difficult if a couple has not maintained a balance between their role as parents and their role as husband and wife. All of a sudden it is just the two of them and they do not know what to do with each other.  Oddly enough, an awkward period of re-acquaintance may be necessary as spouses re-orient their time and attention toward one another. Some couples can experience a real sense of loss when the last child leaves the house, particularly if the empty nest comes quickly or unexpectedly or if the separation from children involves great distance or unusually long periods of time. ...

Please join us this week and in the weeks to come in praying for marriages living through this pandemic. Let me confess initially that I have no expertise in living through a pandemic. I, as most of you, have not been down this road before, but I don't believe expertise is necessary to make some general observations and to call you to join us in prayer during this time. So, here we go. First, though marriages are experiencing some profound changes during this time, many, many things continue to be the same. The "how" may be different, but marriages still must carry on with the normal and necessary activities of their lives. This includes dealing with all the life situations I have written about in other posts. Children with special needs do not cease to have special needs; workaholics don't stop wanting to work; military deployment doesn't end; the stresses of ministers do not disappear etc. Second, the differences in how individuals in marriages deal with s...

Please join us this week as we pray for couples that are the primary caregivers for an aging parent. This life-situation can turn life on its head as roles are reversed with children becoming the parents and the parent the child. At best this situation can be awkward; at worst is can lead to serious conflicts. A parent, who has had a lifetime of making decisions, now has children making decisions for him/her. These can be small decisions (“Dad you should not climb that ladder”) or life-altering decisions (“Mom, you can’t drive anymore"). Caring for an aging parent can limit the freedom of the care-giving couple. It can mean delaying travel plans, changing long-established schedules and learning the old “spur-of-the-moment” event now requires planning. Also, the decisions that come with caring for an aging parent can put the couple at odds with siblings who may have different ideas about what is best for the their parent. Adult-sibling disagreemen...

Join us this week in praying for marriages dealing with infertility. Couples dealing with infertility experience drastic ups and downs, hopes and disappointments, month after month. Hormonal issues can create mental and physical weariness for the wife. Medical testing and treatments and their side effects can be a burden to both spouses and also strain their financial resources. The marriage relationship itself can also be tested, particularly when the husband and wife cope with disappointment differently and grieve differently. Also, the spirits of couples in this life situation can be wounded by insensitive or thoughtless questions and statements made by their families and friends. Finally, despite their best efforts to rejoice with others, these couples can struggle emotionally as they see their friends becoming pregnant and having children with apparent ease, while their hopes are frustrated again and again. As you lift these couples up, pray that th...

Please join us this week in praying for the marriages of those in pastoral ministry. Because of the various demands of the pastoral role, it is easy for the pastor to become wedded to his ministry, fully believing he is doing good when in fact he is a workaholic, neglecting the needs of his spouse and unintentionally undercutting the very ministry to which he has been called. Also, in the process of being "all things to all men,” pastor and spouse can get so caught up in the busyness of knowing everyone, attending everyone's "special" events and caring for everyone during crisis that they fail to slow down and take the time to build deep, personal friendships and, consequently, miss out on the joy and support these friendships can supply. Finally, marriages of those in the pastoral ministry are lived in a fishbowl. The business of the pastor and spouse is everybody's business. This fact can cause those in the pastoral ministry to put up a fa...

We are asking this week that you pray for marriages dealing with the issue of pornography. Most frequently husbands have a more difficult time with pornography addiction than wives. They often see it as a personal issue that does not affect their marriage partner. But this attitude is far from the truth. Pornography easily creates unrealistic expectations no wife can meet. The husband will come to the marriage bed looking to re-experience something he has seen, giving little thought to the needs and desires of his spouse. Sex can become a cold, performance-driven encounter instead of the warm, intimate relational union it should be. One too-frequent result of this impersonal sex is infidelity. If the wife becomes aware of her husband’s addiction, it can create in her a feeling of inferiority and of being just another of his sexual playthings. She can feel she is no longer the one unique and special person in his life and thus t...

Please join us this week in praying for marriages that must deal with chronic pain. Couples in these marriages can struggle sometimes because of an identification problem:   they identify the suffering spouse as the problem instead the suffering spouse’s pain . This misidentification can lead to false blame:  the healthy spouse can blame the suffering spouse for their problems, but maybe more often the suffering spouse can blame himself or herself. In either case, this false blame can be destructive to the intimate marriage relationship the spouses should enjoy. Financial pressures can often assail these marriages as couples seek any and all possible solutions to the debilitating situation. It is not unusual for treatment programs or medications to work for a time but need adjustment as time passes. These adjustments cost money. It is also not unusual for couples dealing with chronic pain to be lured into expensive treatments that promise relief but fail to...

Please join us this week in praying for couples dealing with significant issues with in-laws. The possible issues with in-laws are varied and numerous. In-laws can fail to release their married child emotionally and demand time and allegiance that rightly belongs to the spouse. Sometimes in-laws step into situations too soon, not allowing their children to work out issues in their own way. This can cause the couple to feel inadequate or resentful.   On the other hand, a couple can damage their relationship with their in-laws by demanding unquestioned independent, except when they need a free babysitter or a little extra cash. In the effort to shape their own marriage, they can also thoughtlessly disregard or run roughshod over the traditions and beliefs of their parents, creating tension, frustration and deep disappointment. This week pray that married couples and their in-laws will Respect the marriage relationship  Refrain from provi...

Please join with us this week in praying for marriages in which law enforcement is the career of one or both partners. Marriages in this life situation can face a number of difficult problems. The spouse in law enforcement may deal frequently with the darkest side of life and, consequently, can become quite jaded, finding it difficult to count on or fully believe in anyone. This attitude can easily transfer to the marriage relationship, making intimacy and trust a struggle. Communication can also be difficult in these marriages. The nature of the job can make it challenging for the couple to share in conversation about a day’s work, particularly if one spouse presses for too many details and if the other spouse withholds information thought to be too sordid, unsettling or confidential for casual conversation. The spouse not in law enforcement often experiences the stress of knowing the other may face a life-threatening situation at any time. This knowledge...

Please pray this week for married couples with a special-needs child. These couples are often strained by a lack of physical and mental rest since caring for a special-needs child, regardless of his/her age, is often like caring for an infant or young child. Many times these couples find their finances stretched as they seek to pay for services and therapies for their child. Additionally, these couples can face hurtful acts of discrimination and exclusion, often unintentional, but still painful to bear. These couples can also become anxious and even depressed as they look into the future of their child who may never reach a level of independent living, wondering who will provide for their child’s care once they are unable to do so. Finally, those couples whose first child is a special-needs child may agonize over the decision to have other children. Pray that God would grant these couples an extra measure of rest and strength great patience in the face ...